Our Story So Far .... Let's Join Our Heroes
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(Our story so far: Dirk the Diligent has just lain with the Mistress of Shiloh in an act of indiscretion that could cost him more than his Dukedom. Unbeknownst to our lovers, Manfred the Filthy, seventh son of the bastard gnome Blumbert, has spied them in their forbidden tryst and is now hastening across the heath, bound for Glen Fistfyte, determined to sell his ill-gotten knowledge to the highest bidder. Meanwhile, in the King’s stable, Mumphrey has imbibed the potion and has taken leave of his senses — as well as liberties with a scullery maid and a small goat that was unfortunate enough to wander into the mayhem. Let’s join our heroes.)
(Our story so far: Deep in the castle the echoing sounds of scampering footsteps are drowned out by the cries of the King. “Farthington, you little jerk, come back here this instant! Bring back my scepter!!” The King turns to the Queen, “I’m going to kill that little queer!” “Silence!!!” barks the Queen. “That’s no way to talk about your son! After all, he is the heir to your throne.” The king begins to weep. Let’s join our heroes.)
(Our story so far: The Mistress of Shiloh, riddled with guilt and forbidden desire, has deteriorated from bad to worse. She now wears nothing but black, spends hours locked in the pantry, and has taken to reciting poetry that the kitchen help describes as unbearable. Meanwhile, miles away on a mountain trail, Mumphrey has been soundly kicked in the head by a pack mule and tumbles down the wooded slope, bouncing off a large boulder and spilling into a pool occupied by three elderly and overweight peasant women taking their monthly bath. Soon they are all having a great time. Let’s join our heroes.)
(Our story so far: The tavern is crowded, noisy, and malodorous. “Ye made the right choice,” slurs Mumphrey with a toothless grin as he slaps little Farthington on the back. Mumphrey takes the King’s scepter, tosses it on the bar, and snorts: “Innkeeper, a round of drinks for everyone!!!” Let’s join our heroes.)
(Our story so far: In the Cave by the Emerald Sea, Xanamander peers into his crystal ball, desperately searching for the winners to the upcoming jousting matches. Recently the wizard’s methods have been unreliable, and Xanamander is heavily into the Bishop. And the Bishop doesn’t fool around. Meanwhile, back at Bissex Crossroads, our man Sir Sedgwick has blundered into a trap when what appear to be just thirteen regular guys looking for a friendly game of lawn darts turns into an ambush. Let’s join our heroes.)
(Our story so far: Lady Samantha, unable to bear her poverty since the untimely demise of Lord Neville, decides to join him in the afterlife. However, as she boldly approaches the windswept sea cliffs, the wayward breezes play such havoc with her auburn tresses that she retreats to the cottage. “I’ll poison myself,” she suggests. “But first, I must rest. And maybe have a snack.” Meanwhile, the King sits alone in his throne room, glumly mulling over the recent incursions of the Skruns. “Bring me a drink,” he commands. A daintily dressed servant swishes through the doorway and with a flourish presents a multicolored goblet. “It’s a spicy and delightful vegetable medley!” croons the servant. The King begins to weep. Let’s join our heroes.)
(Our story so far: The Mistress of Shiloh casts her dark eyes across the gloomy, dingy cell. Nearby, Mumphrey lies sleeping on a pile of dead rats. The mysterious beauty intensely regards the amulet in her hands. “I’ll need time to work my spell,” she whispers, adding “Somehow we must keep the guard occupied.” Little Farthington leaps to his feet. “I can manage that!” he blurts out, “The priests showed me how!” Mumphrey opens his one good eye and grins broadly, revealing his few remaining teeth. Let’s join our heroes.)