Bob the Cat

Bob, you presumptuous feline! You rain-sodden, muck-footed quadruped! You thoughtless carnivore!

You slink in through the open window, then give me that cutesy “love-me-because-you-must” glance before leaping onto my lap?!

You, who, if our statures were switched, would devour me following an amusing torture! You muddy my trousers and wish to be stroked?!?

Away you ridiculous parasite of love!! You hang by thin gauze!!